I've got Shingles!

shingles (shĭng′gəlz)
pl. n.

1. An acute viral infection characterized by inflammation of the sensory ganglia of certain spinal or cranial nerves and the eruption of vesicles along the affected nerve path. It usually strikes only one side of the body and is often accompanied by severe neuralgia. Also called herpes zoster.
2. A collection of Ballard High School yearbooks.

It's the second definition to which I am referring, so you need not worry about any contagion at the reunion.

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Looking back 20 years to our graduation has finally forced me into the inevitable yearbook review. It started out as a need to refresh my memory as various emails have arrived and I have struggled to match names to faces.

As a result, I have become strangely yet comfortably reacquainted with our past. I have really only reviewed 1985 thus far, but I have done so in excruciatingly painful detail. I have read every autograph and missive and have reviewed every senior picture.

Through this trip down memory lane, I have learned a few things:

• I hate the Springle.
  Sure the name is cute and the problem of incorporating last minute content when on a deadline is understandable. But it appears completely out of order, it's not indexed, and my 1985 Springle will no longer stay attached to its parent (perhaps an apt metaphor for our senior year). I wonder if they still need the Springle given the elimination of typesetting lead times in favor of computerized layout. I doubt it.
  
  
• Always include your last name when signing a yearbook.
  I'm no longer able to match many of my autographs to an actual person. Especially troublesome are the underclassmen. For my grade school and junior high school yearbooks, I did the following:
  
  
  A little obsessive/compulsive to be sure, but I can match up Sandy Bennet with her picture—despite the utter lack of importance that I do so.
  
  
• No one tells me to "Stay high" anymore.
  It was surprisingly common in my school days. Some people could always be counted upon to add that little piece of advice onto their yearbook scrawls. My first close encounter with this recommendation came in sixth grade from Eve Morrison. Knowing that she was fond of writing this in yearbooks, I implored her not to do so fearing a reaction from my parents should they read my yearbook. She politely complied and instead wrote "To a really sweet guy."
  
  Eve was a really nice girl. However, my wife is unsurprisingly not that fond of her. They've never met and I haven't seen her in 27 years, but the possibility that our children could be exposed to drugs at such a tender age is a little unsettling.
  
  
• Some people meet expectations.
  Herb Burke traveled through high school wearing Ozzy Osbourne t-shirts and extolling the virtues of heavy metal. At the end of his entry in my yearbook, he added:
  
  
  Today, Herb is the frontman for the Death Metal band Drawn and Quartered. I hadn't heard of Death Metal until I tried to track down Herb for the reunion.
  
  Now I know more than I ever wanted. It's a disturbing brand of hard-edged heavy metal. I hesitate to even provide the "Death Metal" link above and recommend that those of you with gentle sensibilities consider avoiding it. I refuse to link to the Drawn and Quartered website. Honestly, it doesn't really bother me, but there are many of us that it would.
  
  Nonetheless, you should look forward to re-meeting Herb at the reunion. From his email, he still appears to be a really nice (if not a little disturbed) guy. At a minimum, he met expectations:
  
  
  Look for him. He'll be the one enjoying a "decent selection of quality dark ales."
  
  
• In the class picture, FACE THE CAMERA!
  What idiot isn't facing the camera in the class picture? Well, one of them is me:
  
  
  Don't be this guy.
  Among all of us that failed to do so, and I am in some pretty distinguished company, I was the most center and most front.
  
  And what is with those sunglasses? Weren't they featured in an Old Navy commercial a few years ago? Perhaps a corollary to the above should be "In the class picture, choose a look that is timeless." Sadly, this look probably fared no better in 1985.
  
  
• Be careful what you write, you just might become famous.
  A certain member of our class who has local fame as a television news reporter is responsible for the most inflammatory entry in my senior yearbook.
  
  This person, who shall remain nameless in order to reduce internet searchability, aggressively labels my sexual orientation and admits to a predilection with S & M.
  
  Now, I'm not the type that would judge a man's entire life based upon his attempt at humor in a high school yearbook, I'm just saying....

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And with that warning, I will end this trip down memory lane. Stay tuned for more high school musings—yearbookwise and otherwise.